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Respect people’s time by not writing any more than you’d be willing to read yourself.

Moderation is the key here; provide enough information to give people a clear snapshot of who you are, but don’t bore them to death War-and-Peace-style.5.

This was my introductory message strategy: I read your profile and really like that [insert a hobby, activity, job – something you liked about that person that made you think they might make a good match for you]. If you get a chance, please take a minute to read my profile to see if you’d like to get to know me as well.

So what are the elements of this message that appealed to me?

I was excited to see some great conversation happening in the comments of my piece “The Top Three Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating.” Both men and women shared their experiences with online dating and debated over the mistakes and fixes I offered in the piece. How do you reconcile a trillion different preferences in order to offer men advice on what to do to be successful with online dating? All I can do is set some parameters and offer my advice based on my own experiences and hope that it helps at least a few guys out there.

Throughout it all, what became most apparent during the discussion is that men didn’t want a “don’t” list. What they really want is some advice on what I hesitated to even write this piece because what people like is far more subjective than what people don’t like. To that end, this is my list “to do’s” for people (yes, people, not just men) who are trying to find a long-term partner using an online dating site:1.

Read the profiles of your potential mates carefully: Just as you took a lot of time and energy to write a good profile for yourself, so did a lot of other people.

And just like you, those people are trying to communicate to you and the rest of their potential mates what they bring to the relationship table.

Some people feel posting inaccurate photos of themselves is the only way to get dates because people judge so heavily by appearance. But are those dates resulting in the relationship you were looking for? Don’t skimp on your profile: I’m just going to say it — filling out your online dating profile is a pain in the ass, especially if you have to take a long quiz beforehand to determine your personality type.Place critical information at the top of your profile: If you’re looking for something very specific, such as deal-breakers you absolutely want people to know about, place that information at the very top of your profile.Even if they don’t read your whole profile, they’ll at least know you don’t want children or are allergic to cats (my boyfriend and I never would have dated if I’d owned a cat instead of a dog because he’s severely allergic to cats).6.Be graceful with rejection: As I said in Tip #9, dating is discouraging.I hear men say all the time that online dating is not fair because the male/female ratio is so skewed.

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A commenter on my “Three Mistakes …” piece said someone kept messaging them the word “hi.” Just “hi.” I don’t think that really “wowed” them.

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